FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
