I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
