Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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