what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
