Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
