Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
