i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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