I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
