Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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