BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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