He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
