Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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