I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Who died my cat blue again?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
