yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
