A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize