before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
