I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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