For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
