After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
