she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
there was a trapeze. enough said
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
