walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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