I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
