I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
