I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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