Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
