You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
