So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
