i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize