Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
