Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
