remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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