My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize