seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
