I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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