all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
