it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
