Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
