If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
