Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
