if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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