Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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