someone threw a dead crab at me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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