she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
