Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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