he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
