I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
