I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
