apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
