i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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