Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
