Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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