very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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