I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize