his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
