I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Randomize
