Who did Billy Mays play for?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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