you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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