i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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