She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
