I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
