you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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