She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
