in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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