This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
