the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just high enough for therapy.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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