I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
