You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
