I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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