sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
