Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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