He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
