went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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